JOINT COMMITTEE ON HEALTH PROBLEMS IN EDUCATION
OF THE NEA AND THE AMA
Chairman
John L. Miller, Ed. D.
Great Neck, New York
Vice Chairman
Ray O. Bjork, M.D.
Helena, Montana
Secretary
Fred V. Hein, Ph.D.
Chicago, Illinois
Members
Charles Outland, M.D.
Richmond, Virginia
Carl Wilzbach, M.D.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Delbert Oberteuffer, Ph.D.
Columbus, Ohio
Ruth Grout, Ph.D.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
James W. Ramsey, LL.D.
Fort Smith, Arkansas
Marjorie Eastabrooks,
M.S.P.H.
Olympia, Washington
Herman M. Jahr, M.D.
Omaha, Nebraska
(SEX EDUCATION SERIES^ OvO<3J
1 . Parents' Privilege
2. A Story About You
3. Finding Yourself
4. Learning About Love
Facts Aren't Enough
CONSULTANTS IN THE PREPARATION OF THIS SERIES
Elizabeth S. Avery, Ph.D.
Washington, D. C.
W. W. Bauer, M.D.
Chicago, Illinois
Donald A. Dukelow, M.D.
Chicago, Illinois
Charles C. Pease, M.D.
Ridgeficld, Connecticut
Mabel Rugcn, Ph.D.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Charles C.Wilson, M.D.
New Haven, Connecticut
X
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Chapter
Chapter 2.
Chapter 3.
Chapter 4.
Chapter 5.
Chapter 6.
CONTENTS
FIND YOURSELF HERE
Tom and Jack Grew Differently
Curves Come with Growing Up
Attention, Please!
Ease in Dating Comes Slowly
MORE ABOUT THE NEW LOOK.
Shooting Up
Filling Out
All Arms and Legs
Your Face and Complexion
Glands and Growth
Your Picture of Yourself
STEPS TOWARD WOMANHOOD .
When Ovaries Produce Egg Cells
The Journey of the Egg Cell
Menstruation Begins
"Feeling Fine, Thank You!"
PACK
.. 7
11
16
STEPS TOWARD MANHOOD
The Complex Path of the Sperm Cell
A Step Toward Maturity
LOOKING TOWARD PARENTHOOD. . . .
When the Sperm Cell Finds an Egg Cell
How the Unborn Baby Grows
Helping the Baby to be Born
The Baby's Heredity
Parents Influence the Child's Personality
BOY-GIRL FRIENDSHIPS
Sue and Louise
Ben and Art
Marie and Her Friends
"The Story of a Bad Boy"
The Story of Anne Frank
Your Capacity for Friendship Grows
Making More Friends of the Other Sex
When Should Dating Begin?
What About Going Steady?
Some Problems
Managing Your Urges Through Better Living
Forming and Living Up to Your Ideals
21
24
32
Chapter 1
FIND YOURSELF HERE
A new look comes to you in your teens. Because it forecasts the
appearance of the man or woman you soon will be, you watch for it
eagerly, perhaps impatiently, but it takes several years for this new
picture of yourself to develop. These are the years when you change
from a child to an adult — the years of adolescence.
The new look, like beauty, is more than skin deep. Glands that
produce chemical substances called hormones* seem to pull the
trigger that sets off body changes in size and form. They also give
the signal for the development to maturity of the sex organs. Soon
after that, you are physically able to become the parent of a child,
but that is only part of the story of becoming adult enough to love,
marry, have healthy children, and make a happy home.
Along with the new look come new developments in your person-
ality. You want to think things out for yourself and make your own
decisions. You have new feelings about friends of the opposite sex,
about dates and dating, and the kind of social life you enjoy. Your
ideals are likely to become clearer and stronger, and you probably
think more about future plans.
It won't be surprising if you find these years of change quite
wonderful— and painfully confusing; sad, as well as happy. When
you try to put childish thoughts and actions behind you, you may
yet feel that you want to cling to them. But when you succeed in
your early attempts to act as a young man or woman, you'll feel on
top of the world. In view of such ups and downs, it may be several
years before you feel comfortable in the world of grown people.
This booklet contains information that may help you to understand
yourself in your earlier teens. In reading it, you may find out where
you are in your journey toward becoming an adult, especially in your
friendships with the other sex, and in other changes related to
sexual development.
The following descriptions give a preview of a few experiences
*A hormone (hor'-mon) is a chemical substance formed in one organ or part
of the body that is carried in the blood to another organ or part of the body.
The latter organ is thereby stimulated by the hormone to some activity. (The
pronunciation of technical terms will be shown immediately following the first
use of each term in the remainder of this book. )
I//((U//<W((/(!II\W^
that arc common in the first hall oi the Kens. Some of the storii
may have a familiar ring. If you think back over the past ye.
so, you may remember events in your own life, or experiences of your
friends, that are similar.
Tom and Jack Grew Differently
Jack had never minded the fact that his life-long friend, Tom, was
two inches taller. However, at fourteen, Tom and several other
friends were not only taller, but had more fully developed bodies
than Jack's. That summer Jack often refused to go swimming with
the other boys because he hated to let them see that he still had the
undeveloped body of a young boy, while they had begun to look like
young men. Jack needn't have worried. He matured a couple of
years later, but just as satisfactorily as his -friends. Such differences
are natural.
Curves Come with Growing Up
Mary and her mother went shopping for a party blouse and skirt
for Mary, stopping first to buy her a bra. Mary was a little excited,
for it was her first bra, and it was somewhat strange to feel her body
take on new, grown-up curves. She was pleased to catch up with her
girl friends who already were wearing bras. Her friend, Florence,
had begun to wear one at the age of eleven, and at that time was the
only girl in her class whose breasts were so fully developed. Now
nearly all the girls were wearing bras. Jean, at fourteen, still had a
little-girl figure, and felt rather out of step with the other girls.
Girls, as well as boys, have different rates of growing up. In a
group of young teen-age girls, you will probably know some who
have begun to look like young women, while others have not yet
changed in that way. Some will be interested in boys; others will not.
Such differences are quite normal.
Attention, Please!
Before you have read very far, perhaps you will recognize this
story about a boy who wanted to catch the attention of a girl he
admired :
"The next instant he was out (doors) and 'going on' like
an Indian; yelling, laughing, chasing boys, jumping over
the fence at risk of life and limb, throwing hand-springs,
standing on his head — doing all the heroic things he could
conceive of, and keeping a furtive eye all the while, to see if
Becky Thatcher was noticing. But she seemed to be un-
conscious of it all; she never looked. Gould it be possible
that she was not aware that he was there? He carried his
exploits to her immediate vicinity; came war- whooping
around, snatched a boy's cap, hurled it to the roof of the
schoolhouse, broke through a group of boys, tumbling them
in every direction, and fell sprawling, himself, under
Becky's nose, almost upsetting her— and she turned, with
her nose in the air, and he heard her say, 'Mf ! Some people
think they're mighty smart— always showing off!'
"Tom's cheeks burned. He gathered himself up and
sneaked off, crushed and crest-fallen."*
When a boy does become interested in a girl, he may not know
how to go about winning her friendship. But he can soon learn, if
he wants to! Sometimes it is even harder for a young girl than for
a young boy to know how to make friends with some of the opposite
sex. Do you think girls should try to attract the attention of boys
whom they would like to know? If so, how should they do it?
Ease in Dating Comes Slowly
Judy can laugh now, but it hurt when it happened. The party
was important because it was her first real date, and because she had
a new party dress. In fact, it seemed so important to her that she
was rather nervous when Hal arrived. To make matters worse, it was
snowing, and she had to wear big, old galoshes that looked worse
than usual with a party dress.
The party was formal, with a reception line for the guests of honor.
When Judy had left her wraps on the second floor, she came slowly
down the wide, curving stairs, feeling very stately, and hoping that
her friends would admire her new dress. Hal met her at the foot of
the stairs, and they started down the receiving line. Then Judy
happened to look at her feet. In her nervousness, she had forgotten
to take off the old galoshes! Was that why people smiled at her as
she came down the stairs? She wanted to sink through the floor!
If she had only known it, Hal was so flustered over his first date,
that he hadn't noticed, and neither had anyone else.
♦From: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. Copyright 1918
by Harper & Brothers, reprinted by permission of Harper & Brothers.
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that are common in the lirst lull <>l ilie teens. Some of the stories
may have a familiar ring. If you think back over the past year 01
so, you may remember events in your own life, or experiences of your
friends, that are similar.
Tom and Jack Grew Differently
Jack had never minded the fact that his life-long friend, Tom, was
two inches taller. However, at fourteen, Tom and several other
friends were not only taller, but had more fully developed bodies
than Jack's. That summer Jack often refused to go swimming with
the other boys because he hated to let them see that he still had the
undeveloped body of a young boy, while they had begun to look like
young men. Jack needn't have worried. He matured a couple of
years later, but just as satisfactorily as his friends. Such differences
are natural.
Curves Come with Growing Up
Mary and her mother went shopping for a party blouse and skirl
for Mary, stopping first to buy her a bra. Mary was a little excited,
for it was her first bra, and it was somewhat strange to feel her body
take on new, grown-up curves. She was pleased to catch up with her
girl friends who already were wearing bras. Her friend, Florence,
had begun to wear one at the age of eleven, and at that time was the
only girl in her class whose breasts were so fully developed. Now
nearly all the girls were wearing bras. Jean, at fourteen, still had a
little-girl figure, and felt rather out of step with the other girls.
Girls, as well as boys, have different rates of growing up. In a
group of young teen-age girls, you will probably know some who
have begun to look like young women, while others have not ye I
changed in that way. Some will be interested in boys; others will not.
Such differences are quite normal.
Attention, Please!
Before you have read very far, perhaps you will recognize this
story about a boy who wanted to catch the attention of a girl he
admired :
"The next instant he was out (doors) and 'going on' like
an Indian; yelling, laughing, chasing boys, jumping over
the fence at risk of life and limb, throwing hand-springs,
standing on his head — doing all the heroic things he could
conceive of, and keeping a furtive eye all the while, to see if
Becky Thatcher was noticing. But she seemed to be un-
conscious of it all; she never looked. Could it be possible
that she was not aware that he was there? He carried his
exploits to her immediate vicinity; came war- whooping
around, snatched a boy's cap, hurled it to the roof of the
schoolhouse, broke through a group of boys, tumbling them
in every direction, and fell sprawling, himself, under
Becky's nose, almost upsetting her— and she turned, with
her nose in the air, and he heard her say, 'Mf ! Some people
think they're mighty smart — always showing off!'
"Tom's cheeks burned. He gathered himself up and
sneaked off, crushed and crest-fallen."*
When a boy does become interested in a girl, he may not know
how to go about winning her friendship. But he can soon learn, if
he wants to! Sometimes it is even harder for a young girl than for
a young boy to know how to make friends with some of the opposite
sex. Do you think girls should try to attract the attention of boys
whom they would like to know? If so, how should they do it?
Ease in Dating Comes Slowly
Judy can laugh now, but it hurt when it happened. The party
was important because it was her first real date, and because she had
a new party dress. In fact, it seemed so important to her that she
was rather nervous when Hal arrived. To make matters worse, it was
snowing, and she had to wear big, old galoshes that looked worse
than usual with a party dress.
The party was formal, with a reception line for the guests of honor.
When Judy had left her wraps on the second floor, she came slowly
down the wide, curving stairs, feeling very stately, and hoping that
her friends would admire her new dress. Hal met her at the foot of
the stairs, and they started down the receiving line. Then Judy
happened to look at her feet. In her nervousness, she had forgotten
to take off the old galoshes! Was that why people smiled at her as
she came down the stairs? She wanted to sink through the floor!
If she had only known it, Hal was so flustered over his first date,
that he hadn't noticed, and neither had anyone else.
*From: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. Copyright 1918
by Harper & Brothers, reprinted by permission of Harper & Brothers.
Whether you're a boy or a girl, you're likely to meet situations
you're not prepared for when you first begin to have dates. Willi
experience, you learn what to do, and begin to feel at ease. Perhapi
you have had an experience that was as tragic to you at one time,
and as amusing now that you look back, as Judy's tale of the galoshei
and the party dress.
Chapter 2
MORE ABOUT THE NEW LOOK
Eventually, the new look brings fresh feminine charm to girls, and
masculine vigor to boys. These happy results do not always show at
once, for the new look arrives by stages, which it may save you some
worry to understand.
^HS
Shooting Up
Most young people have a spurt of faster growth just before or
during the first half of the teens, which lasts for one or two years.
They seem to "shoot up," as people say. After that, growth in height
slows down, and stops in the later teens or early twenties.
Girls usually enter this period somewhere from nine to twelve
years, and boys somewhat later, between twelve and fourteen, but
the period of rapid growth may come a year or so earlier or later
than those ages, for either boys or girls.
Because boys "shoot up" later than girls, boys of eleven, twelve,
or thirteen may be surprised to find that girls of their own age have
suddenly grown taller than they. Boys catch up with them by the
age of fifteen or so and eventually are likely to be taller than girls.
If you have grown tall at a younger age than your friends and are
now much taller than they, you may be glad to know that you prob-
ably will stop growing before they do, for an early spurt of growth
usually stops earlier. On the other hand, if your friends have been
shooting up, and you have not, it's possible that your spurt of growth
may start late and that you will keep growing to a later age so that
you catch up with some of your friends.
However, the teen-age spurt of growth will not turn a naturally
short boy or girl into a tall person, since your heredity has a great
deal to do with your height. If you were tall, medium/ or short as a
young child, you are likely to be tall, medium, or short as an adult,
although that is not always the case.
Filling Out
Yes, you'll gain weight, too. The gain is often most noticeable just
after growth in height has begun to slow down. Many a girl of
twelve or thirteen years gains eight to twelve pounds in a year, but
by age fifteen the yearly gain usually drops to five or six pounds.
Boys make their greatest gain in weight a couple of years later than
girls. At fourteen or fifteen, many boys gain as much as twelve or
fifteen pounds in a year, but the yearly gain soon drops to about
half that.
While you're filling out, you may think that you look chubby, but
you will probably thin out as you reach full height. It is not wise to
reduce unless your physician advises you to do so, and gives directions
which you follow carefully.
All Arms and Legs
Have you ever felt that you were "all arms and legs"? This
normal feeling may be a temporary part of the new look, because
various parts of the body grow at uneven rates at different times
of life.
For example, the arms and legs grow slowly in babyhood, but
more rapidly from the age of nine or ten years into the teens. Then
wrists seem to shoot out of the coat sleeves. When arms and legs are
growing fast, the trunk of the body may be relatively short so that
the young teen-ager has a high waist and looks all arms and legs.
The trunk only lengthens to its full size near the end of one's growth.
You may have heard that these changes in body proportions make
teen-agers awkward. Yet you and your friends use your bodies skill-
fully and gracefully much of the time, as you play ball, ride your
bikes, go dancing, swimming, or hiking, or take part in other sports
which teen-agers enjoy. Perhaps awkwardness is more likely to ap-
pear when young people feel self-conscious in a strange situation.
At any rate, it is better to take part in sports and activities which
improve your physical skill than it is to brood over an occasional
stumble or slip.
V
Your Face and Complexion
During the teens, the features of the face take on their adult size
and shape, becoming more clearcut. The nose becomes larger with
a more definite shape, the mouth becomes fuller, and the chin firmer.
You may be more concerned about your complexion than about
changes in your facial structure. During adolescence, many boys and
girls are bothered by skin troubles. There may be just a few pimples
or blackheads, or the condition may be very troublesome. A physician
would call the condition acne (ak'ne) . If you are bothered by acne,
you should secure your physician's advice about diet, other health
habits, and the care of your skin. Sometimes all that is needed is to
wash your face carefully several times a day with a mild soap and
warm water.
Glands and Growth
Deep in the skull, beneath the brain, there is a small gland called
the pituitary (pi tu' i ter' I) gland. It is one of the glands which do
their work by sending hormones into the blood. The pituitary gland
makes several hormones, one of which helps to regulate growth in
height and body proportions.
Another hormone of the pituitary gland causes the sex glands of
children to mature, usually just before or during the earlier teens.
When the sex glands mature they produce their own hormones,
which in turn signal the pituitary gland to produce less of the growth
hormone. As a result, growth in height slows down not long after
boys and girls become sexually mature.
In girls, the sex glands are the two ovaries (6' va riz), located one
on each side in the lower part of the abdomen. In boys, the sex
glands are the testes (tes' tez), also called testicles (tes' ti kls) . They
are suspended between the legs of boys and men in a sac of skin
known as the scrotum (skro' turn) .
The hormones of the ovaries and the testes help to bring about the
"new look" during adolescence because they cause certain changes
spoken of as "secondary sex characteristics," described below.
In a girl, hormones cause a more feminine appearance as her hips
round out and become broader, and her breasts fill out. These
changes may begin when a girl is about ten or eleven, or in the early
teens. They appear earlier in some girls than in others, as you will
remember from the story of Mary's purchase of her first bra. The
hormones also cause hair to grow under the girl's arms, and in a tri-
angular patch across the lower part of her abdomen that is known as
the pubic (pubic) region. Her voice also becomes richer and fuller.
The new curves are attractive, and useful, too, as preparation for
motherhood at some future time. The widening of the hips gives a
body form more suitable for the growth of a baby in the mother's
body and for the baby's birth. The development of the breasts is a
prelude to a mother's nursing her baby.
Sometime between the ages of twelve and seventeen, the boy's
body begins to take the masculine appearance of a young man, with
bigger frame and wider shoulders than in boyhood. However, the
boy's hips do not widen as do those of a girl. Hair appears on the
public region of the boy's abdomen and later under the arms. It may
thicken on the chest and other parts of the body. About that time,
the boy begins to eye his father's razor, wondering when he can
shave! The boy's voice-box also has been growing larger, and the
vocal cords longer, so that his voice usually has changed or is chang-
ing when he is about fourteen or fifteen.
The part the sex glands play in reproduction will be discussed in
the next chapters.
Your Picture of Yourself
Perhaps there is a picture in your mind of yourself as you would
like to look when you are a young adult. Well, dreams can be fun!
But all sorts of people make up our world; tall, medium, or short;
small-boned and slender, big-boned and stocky, or average build.
You will be happier if you can learn to enjoy just being yourself,
while you make the best of your own height and body build, which
are determined largely by your heredity. You can improve your
posture, your general good looks, and your weight if a physician
advises it, by eating wisely, exercising in sports and other physical
activities, getting enough sleep, and following other good health
practices.
Naturally you want to make a good appearance, partly because
you want to be attractive to your friends of either sex. But if you
wish you were tall instead of short, or had a firmer chin, or a
straighter nose, here's a comforting thought. When boys are asked
to list the qualities they like in girls, or girls to say what they like in
boys, very little is said about color of eyes, or hair, or other physical
qualities which you cannot change. The points most often mentioned
have to do with courtesy, friendliness, and other personality traits
which you can change.
Chapter 3
STEPS TOWARD WOMANHOOD
The life of every human being begins with the union of two special
cells, the sperm cell of the father, and the egg cell of the mother.
As a young teen-ager, you are at the time of life when sex organs for
the first time become able to produce ripe or mature sperm cells in
the male and egg cells in the female. This is one of the signs that
you have reached puberty (pu' ber tl) . It means that physically you
are able to become the parent of a child, although you need to
develop in other ways before you are ready for such a responsibility.
When Ovaries Produce Egg Cells
When a baby girl is born, she already has two almond-shaped
ovaries, or sex glands, in the lower part of her abdomen. Although
the ovaries are not yet fully developed in babyhood and early child-
hood, they contain thousands of immature egg cells.
During childhood, the ovaries are rather inactive until the pituitary
gland causes them to mature. At this time, they begin to produce
the hormone that brings about the secondary sex characteristics de-
scribed in the last chapter. This hormone also causes the other sex
organs to become larger and more mature.
When the ovaries are mature enough, they begin to send out egg
cells, and this starts a new cycle of events in the girl's life. First, an
egg cell becomes surrounded by a small sac, known as a follicle
(fol'ikl), and goes to the surface of the ovary. There the follicle
opens and releases the ripened egg cell. This process is called ovula-
tion (6' vu la' shun). After ovulation has begun, one egg cell is
released about every twenty-eight or thirty days, as a rule, until the
girl is a woman of forty-five or more years. Usually only one egg
cell is released at a time; alternately from one ovary each month.
During a woman's lifetime, several hundred egg cells are released
from her ovaries.
The Journey of the Egg Cell
The little egg cell is smaller than a pinpoint, although it is one of
the larger cells of the human body. When it first leaves its follicle,
it passes into the nearby opening of a tube several inches long, known
as a,. Fallopian (fa 16' pi an) tube. One of these tubes opens near
each ovary and provides a passageway for the egg cell into the uterus
(u' ter us).
The uterus, or womb ( wodm) , is a thick-walled, muscular, stretch-
able, hollow part of the body. In size and shape, it is something like
a pear, with the larger end up. When an egg cell is fertilized by
union with a sperm cell, the fertilized egg cell that is the beginning
of a new human life will stay in the uterus, where it will develop
into a baby.
•The lower end of the uterus opens into the vagina (va jl' na),
which is a passage connecting the uterus with the outside of the
body. The outside opening of the vagina is between the legs, where
it is protected by folds of skin and flesh known as the vulva (vul' va).
Where the inner folds of the vulva meet in front there is a small,
sensitive tip called the clitoris (kll' to ris). The opening of the vagina
may be partially closed by a rather thick membrane, which is called
the hymen (hi' men).
The outside opening of the vagina lies between two other body
openings. In front there is the opening for the passage of urine from
the body, and behind it there is the anus (a' nus), which is the open-
ing for the passage of waste from the intestines.
The ovaries, tubes, uterus and vagina are the female sex organs
that are inside the body; the vulva and clitoris are external female
Se X an a'follicle releases an egg cell, the space in the follicle fills
with cells called the corpus luteum (tor* pus lu' teum), or yellow body
The corpus luteum makes another hormone which causes the soft
lining of the uterus to build u P some new lining, m which there is an
increased supply of blood. These preparations are necessary m case
The egg cell I fertilized, for then it must attach itself to the hnmg of
the uterus to receive nourishment while it grows into a baby.
Most of the three or four hundred egg cells which leave the ovaries
during a woman's life are not fertilized, and in that case they go to
pieces and disappear. Then the corpus luteum shrinks and stop
making its hormone. As a result, apart of the thickened hnmg of the
uterus comes away and, along with the extra blood, passes out of
the body through the vagina.
Menstruation Begins
This discharge is called menstruation (men s^rob a' shun). It usu-
ally occurs about two weeks after an egg cell leaves its follicle, and
it lasts three to five days, possibly a day or so more or less
After menstruation another egg cell ripens in another follicle, and
is released in about two weeks. The whole series of events is called
the menstrual cycle, or the reproductive cycle. Menstruation usually
takes place about every twenty-eight or thirty days, but the cycle may
be a few days longer, or shorter. Some girls speak of menstruation
as their "period" because it comes at rather regular periods of time.
Menstruation, like ovulation, takes place approximately every
month as a rule until a woman is about forty-five or older, and licr
ovaries no longer release egg cells.
Most girls menstruate for the first time at about twelve or thirteen,
although some girls begin at nine, ten, or eleven and others not until
fifteen or sixteen. A girl who has not menstruated by that age should
consult her physician.
The first menstruation is usually considered a sign that a girl has
reached puberty and could soon bear a baby. It is possible, however,
that mature egg cells are not produced regularly in some girls for a
year or so after they have begun to menstruate. Your common sense
tells you, of course, that girls in the younger teens in our civilization
are not really prepared to be mothers, for they still have much to
learn. Then, too, they are likely to have better health if they bear
babies when they are older.
Menstruation is likely to be rather irregular at first and a girl in
her earlier teens may skip a month, or several months, or menstruate
a few days late or early. However, the menstrual cycle usually settles
down to fair regularity by the later teens, making it possible for a
girl to keep track of the approximate dates when she may expect it.
"Feeling Fine, Thank You!"
Menstruation is a normal process and many girls feel entirely well
during this period. Others have a few mild cramps or aching in the
lower back, especially on the first day. Menstruation is not a sickness,
and as a rule, girls can carry on most of their usual activities. If a
girl has severe pain she should consult her physician, who may correct
the trouble. .
It's common sense to keep from getting overtired or chilled, and
SlK'l ■
qTERUS
to avoid the most strenuous types of exercise, at least during the early
part of the period. Many girls take it easy during the first day, but
do not need to restrict their activities the rest of the time. For
example, some girls can swim comfortably all during the menstrual
period. This is not advisable, however, unless the water is warm
enough so that the girl is not chilled and she swims in moderation,
avoiding violent exertion. Some girls find it better not to swim during
the first day or two of the period or when the flow is heavy. Others
are better off if they wait until the flow has stopped. Your own
experience will be a guide as to what is best for you. You probably
would not want to swim in an indoor pool during your period, out
of consideration for other people. Practically every girl will find that
a daily sponge bath or shower helps her to feel fresh and clean, and
prevents body odors.
Constipation may cause discomfort during menstruation, since the
fullness of the lower bowel adds to the feeling of congestion. Regular
bowel habits and a diet that includes plenty of fluids — water, milk,
fruit juices — with salads, fruits and vegetables may help to correct
the constipation. Heavy rich foods, such as pies, cakes and sundaes
should be omitted.
To protect clothing during menstruation, girls can buy comfortable
sanitary pads or napkins, in different sizes and thickness to suit their
own needs. Sanitary belts, often made of elastic, are used to hold the
pads in place. The fasteners should hold firmly and not break easily.
Some girls use tampons, instead of sanitary napkins. . Tampons are
tight little rolls of absorbent material which may be inserted in the
vagina and worn without a sanitary belt. They may not absorb as
much of the menstrual flow as sanitary napkins, so that if the flow
is heavy the pad may be needed too. Tampons should be changed at
least as often as the pads or napkins. A girl should consult her family
physician before using tampons to be sure that there is no condition
which would cause irritation or make their use unwise for other
reasons.
Sometimes a boy invites a girl to go swimming or on a strenuous
hike, for example, and is bewildered because the girl refuses without
explaining why. Both would be spared misunderstanding if the girl
could learn to say simply, "I'm sorry; I can't swim for a day or two" ;
or "I can't do anything quite that strenuous just now." The boy, on
his part, should remember that menstruation may be the reason why
the girl is limiting her activities, although she may be reserved about
making explanations.
Chapter 4
STEPS TOWARD MANHOOD
Boys are likely to reach puberty about a year later than girls of ^
their own age. Perhaps this explains why boys in their younger teens ^Ss
are often slower than girls to be interested in dating and in boy-girl
social events. Even so, boys become sexually mature some years
before they are considered old enough to marry in our civilization.
When a baby boy is born, his sex organs are already formed, the ~~ £*
principal ones being the two testes and the penis (pe' nis). The testes
are the male sex glands, and they make a hormone which causes the
changes in a boy's voice and the growth of hair on his face and body.
The testes also produce the sperm cells.
One of the early signs of adolescence in a boy is growth in the size
of the testes and the penis. When this period of growth brings the
sex organs to maturity, the testes begin to produce sperm cells.
The formation of sperm cells then may continue well into old age,
so that some men become fathers at sixty, seventy, or older.
The Complex Path of the Sperm Cell
The male sex organs make complex and delicately adjusted pro-
visions for the growth, storage, and discharge of the sperm cells. As
the two testes hang in the scrotum, each is about the size of a plum.
They are filled with hundreds of fine, thread-like tubes, tightly coiled,
in which the sperm cells grow.
Sperm cells are also called spermatozoa (spur' ma to zo' a). They
are much smaller than the egg cells, so small that there may be from
four to five hundred millions of them in a teaspoonful of the fluid in ' l(JJ/ fff (Uffl ljk))Jj.
which they leave the body. When seen under a powerful microscope,
a sperm cell looks something like a tadpole, with a larger head at one
end and an active tail.
The penis hangs in front of the testes. It is shaped something like
a thumb, but is usually larger, although it varies in size. A tube,
known as the urethra (u re' thra) runs through the length of the
penis. It is the passage through which the sperm cells find their way
outside the body and it is also the outlet for urine from the bladder.
Sperm cells and urine do not normally pass through the urethra at
the same time, since the opening from the bladder into the urethra
closes when sperm cells are discharged.
The sperm cells reach the urethra in a complex journey. The
sperm cells grow in the hundreds of very small, coiled tubes that arc
in each testis. All of these small tubes in one testis open into one
larger tube, through which the sperm cells leave the testis. Behind
the testis, in the scrotum, this larger tube forms a mass of coils which
may serve as a temporary storage space for sperm cells. Then it
straightens out and rises into the groin and finally opens into the
urethra. Along the way, the tube is connected with a storage sac for
sperm cells and with glands which help to produce a whitish fluid in
which the sperm cells are discharged from the body. The sperm cells
and this fluid together are called semen (se' men).
The end of the penis at birth is partly covered by loose skin which
the doctor sometimes cuts away in a minor operation known as
circumcision. A boy who has not been circumsized needs to turn
back the loose skin when bathing, so as to keep the membranes clean.
A Step Toward Maturity
Although usually limp and soft, the penis, under sexual excitement
of mind or body, fills with blood so that it becomes firm, and an
erection occurs. In a boy whose sex organs have matured, semen may
then spurt out of the erect penis as a result of the contraction of
certain tissues. This is called an ejaculation. The penis then be-
comes limp again. Erection and ejaculation are accompanied by
sensations in the sex organs that are intensely pleasureable.
Most boys experience their first ejaculation at about fourteen, but
it may occur a year or two earlier or later. From then on, a boy is
likely to experience erection and ejaculation in a variety of situations.
The cause may be mainly physical, as when a boy is climbing a tree,
or when the bladder is full. Or ejaculation may occur when a boy
is reading or daydreaming about sex, or watching an exciting movie,
or when he is very much stirred by a girl. Sometimes there seems to
be no special reason.
Some boys worry when they wake in the morning to find that they
have had an ejaculation during the night. Such occurrences are
normal, however, and are called "seminal emissions," or "nocturnal
emissions," or "wet dreams." Normal boys differ widely in the
frequency of such emissions, and some boys do not have them.
Although they are not abnormal, if emissions take place several times
or more a week, there may be too much sexual stimulation in a boy's
life and not enough of the normal physical activities and mental
interests that boys need.
Most girls in their younger teens experience sexual feelings much
less frequently than boys, perhaps not at all, and so girls generally
do not realize how often boys may have them.
In one sense, a boy is sexually mature when his testicles are pro-
ducing sperm cells and he is physically able to become the parent
of a child. Yet you know that this is only one step on the way to
full maturity, for the boy needs to develop in other important ways
before he is ready to take on the responsibilities of a husband and
father, in supporting and otherwise caring for his family.
?
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Chapter 5
LOOKING TOWARD PARENTHOOD
As a young teen-ager, you may have reached puberty, but you
probably will wait five, ten, or more years before you marry and
have children. You won't wait that long, however, before you want
friends of the other sex, and begin to dream of love and marriage.
Knowledge of the story of life and birth may help you to keep your
feet on the ground in your friendships and in your dreams and plans.
Something so important as the continuation of the human race
could scarcely be left to chance, and so a capacity for feeling sexual
attraction seems to be "built in" to the nature of human beings, so
that men and women want to marry and have children. Sex at-
traction is a wonderful and important part of genuine love. When
you observe a happily married couple, however, you soon see that
they are attracted by the personality of the one they love. You know
yourself how important the traits of personality are to you in your
own choice of friends of either sex.
A happy married couple love many different qualities in each
other, and they also show their love in many different ways. For
example, a husband does his best in his job because he wants his
wife to be proud of him and he wants to provide for her security.
A wife goes to a great deal qf trouble to create a comfortable, happy
home and to give her husband pleasure in innumerable ways, such
as preparing meals that he likes, or finding exactly the right gift for
his birthday.
It is normal and right for husband and wife to find pleasure in
kissing and caressing each other and for their caresses to be followed
by their desire to come together in a close, loving embrace called
mating, or sexual intercourse. During the love-making, there is an
increased flow of blood to the sex organs, and an increase in secre-
tions that moisten them, and other changes that prepare the body
for mating. The husband's penis becomes erect, and then can fit
into the wife's vagina. This embrace can give pleasure to both
husband and wife. At the climax of intercourse there is an ejacu-
lation of semen from the husband's penis. After intercourse, both
husband and wife feel deeply happy and peacefully relaxed.
=!Z
O =3
When the Sperm Cell Finds an Egg Cell
When sperm cells are released into the vagina, they swim along into
the uterus and then into the tubes. If there is an egg cell in one of
the tubes, a sperm cell may unite with it to make a fertilized egg
cell. Only one sperm cell unites with an egg cell in producing the
fertilized egg.
An egg cell is present in one of the tubes for only a part of the
month, but no girl or woman knows exactly when this is. The sperm
cells do not find an egg cell every time mating occurs.
A fertilized egg cell travels from the tube into the uterus, and
nestles down in the wall of the uterus, which is ready with extra
lining and blood supply. Since the extra blood now will be needed
to nourish the growing baby, menstruation does not occur. The
mother then realizes that she may be pregnant.
Since a menstrual period may be skipped sometimes for other
reasons, a woman who thinks she is pregnant usually consults her
physician, who can perform certain tests to make sure. If she is
pregnant, she can expect that ovulation and menstruation will not
occur during her pregnancy. The corpus luteum remains active,
and through its hormone helps to keep conditions in the uterus right
for the growing baby.
How the Unborn Baby Grows
To begin with, the fertilized
egg cell is one rather large cell.
Soon it divides into two cells
and each cell divides again and
again. The cells keep on divid-
ing until after a time they begin
to form the various parts of the
body, such as heart and blood
vessels, stomach, lungs, skin
and nerves.
At first the unborn child does
not look much like a baby, but
in about three months, the main
parts of the body have ap-
peared. At five or six months
he looks rather as he will at
birth, except that he is only
about a foot long and is very
lean. In the last two or three
months before birth he grows
1
longer and plumper and his internal organs develop enough so that
he will be able to live in the outside world. At birth, the baby is
usually about twenty inches long and about seven pounds or so in
weight.
When a mother finds out that she is pregnant, she knows that in
approximately nine months from her last period she will have the
baby. However, some babies are born after only seven or eight
months of development. Such babies are premature babies. With
special care, they usually survive. Then they live to be as strong
and healthy as other babies. Hospitals care for them in a special
type of incubator, which provides an even temperature like that in
the mother's body.
During pregnancy the mother's uterus stretches as fast as the baby
grows so that there is always room for him. In the last few months,
the mother's body is conspicuously bigger.
Soon after the fertilized egg attaches itself to the lining of the
uterus, a sac grows around it which fills with a fluid. The baby
floats in the fluid until birth and thus is protected from being jolted.
The baby can live in the fluid because he does not need to use his
nose or mouth before birth, as he receives food and oxygen by certain
special arrangements. Early i n his development, a cord containing
some of the baby's blood vessels attaches the baby to the lining of
the uterus. It is attached to the
baby's own body at his ab-
domen, where his navel will
appear after his birth.
Where the cord is attached
to the lining of the uterus, there
is a special network of blood
vessels called the placenta
(plasen'ta). In the placenta,
the blood vessels of the mother
and the baby mingle closely,
but the mother's blood vessels
do not open into the baby's,
and her own blood does not
flow into his blood vessels.
Instead, food materials and
oxygen from the mother's blood
filter from her blood vessels
into the baby's blood vessels
and are carried throughout his
body in his blood stream for the cells to use as they grow. The waste
materials that are left over are carried back to the placenta in the
baby's blood stream. There they filter out into the mother's blood
vessels and her body gets rid of them. In this remarkable way, the
mother eats, breathes, and gets rid of waste materials for the unborn
baby. When he is born, he must be able to do those things for himself.
During pregnancy, the mother's breasts prepare to supply milk
for the baby. They become larger and firmer and the area around
the nipples grows darker. Physicians usually advise a mother to
breast-feed her baby, if possible, for a mother's milk is the best food
for babies. Some mothers do not have enough milk and must pre-
pare a special formula to feed the baby from a bottle at least part
of the time.
Nowadays, most women consult their physician regularly during
pregnancy, so that he may give advice about what to eat for the
mother's sake and the baby's and regular examinations to make sure
that all is well.
Helping the Baby to be Born
At the end of the pregnancy, the mother's body also helps the
baby to be born. The muscles of the uterus then stop stretching and
begin to contract and to push the baby into the vagina. These con-
tractions give the mother notice that birth is near, as they come with
increasing frequency. They feel something like menstrual cramps,
or the pain of a stomach ache. They are called "labor," and it is a
good name for them, for it really is work for the mother to help in
the baby's birth.
When labor begins, the mother knows that it is time to go to the
hospital or to ask the doctor to come to her home to assist in the
birth. Most parents nowadays prefer to have their baby born in a
hospital, since doctors and nurses there have everything at hand to
give the best care.
By the last few weeks of pregnancy, the baby usually has taken a
position head down in the uterus, so that his head is the first part
to be pushed into the vagina. The opening of the uterus into the
vagina stretches wide and the vagina also stretches tremendously,
making room for the passage of the baby. The sac of fluid around
the baby usually bursts after labor begins.
Finally, the baby comes out into the world. When he first appears,
his cord is still attached to his navel and to his mother's placenta.
The doctor ties the cord and cuts it a short distance from the baby's
body. Soon the bit of cord that is left will dry up, and the place
where it was attached will appear as the baby's navel. Neither
mother nor baby feel any pain when the cord is cut, because it
contains no nerves. Not long after the baby appears, muscular con-
tractions of the uterus force out the placenta and the rest of the
cord, which is about two feet long. This is called the afterbirth.
The doctor and nurse are glad to hear the baby cry just after he
is born, for they know then that he has begun to breathe with his
own lungs. This really is a remarkable change, for it means that
suddenly the baby's body has begun to use oxygen taken in through
his own lungs instead of from its previous source, his mother's blood
stream.
After the baby's birth, the uterus and other parts of the mother's
body return to much the same size as before the pregnancy, except
that the birth passages remain somewhat larger. Many mothers are
able to supply milk from their own breasts for as long as the baby
needs it. When the mother stops nursing the baby, her breasts
gradually will stop producing milk. The baby is said to be "weaned"
from the breast when he is no longer nursed at the breast.
at
The Baby's Heredity
If you are a boy, you may wonder at this point how important
the father is as a parent. Through the sperm cell and the egg cell
both father and mother pass on to the baby the family traits that
are the child's heredity. To understand this, you need to know a
little about cells.
If you look at cells through a microscope, you can see that there
is a special part in each cell which is the nucleus (nu' kle us). Inside
the nucleus, there are the chromosomes (krd' mo sdms), which are
small, thread-like objects of different shapes. The chromosomes, in
turn, have many extremely small parts called genes (jens). Scientists
believe that the genes carry the traits which a child inherits from
his ancestors.
When the sperm cell and the egg cell unite the twenty-four
chromosomes of each nucleus go into the nucleus of the new fertilized
egg cell, giving it forty-eight chromosomes. All the cells that grow
from the fertilized egg cell to make a human being's body, all during
his life, will have forty-eight chromosomes, except mature egg cells
or sperm cells, which will have twenty-four.
Through the union of the sperm cell and the egg cell, the father
and mother each contribute twenty-four chromosomes to the child,
so that his heredity combines traits from both sides of the family.
Because the child's parents received their chromosomes from the
grandparents, who in turn received their chromosomes from their
I '.ii cuts, and so on, each child receives a mixture from many different
ancestors.
Each child is different because there is an entirely new combination
of chromosomes with their genes each time an egg cell and a sperm
cell unite. True, there often are strong family resemblances between
brothers and sisters, but it is not surprising, either, if a child looks
little like anyone else in the family.
The situation is made more complicated because some traits
carried by the genes are stronger than others, and are more likely
to win out. For example, genes for brown eyes are stronger than
those for blue eyes.
There are exceptions to the rule that no two babies are born with
exactly the same combination of chromosomes and genes. Occasion-
ally, one fertilized agg cell grows into two or more babies, instead
of one. If there are two babies, they are "identical twins," or "like
twins." They are always of the same sex, and it is very hard to tell
them apart.
Sometimes a mother produces more than one egg cell at a time
and if more than one is then fertilized, more than one baby may
grow. Since such babies grow from different egg cells and sperm
cells they may be as different in looks and inheritance as any other
brothers or sisters. Such children are called "unlike twins," or
"fraternal twins." They need not be of the same sex.
Some babies turn out to be boys and some to be girls because
there are two kinds of sperm cells. If the sperm cell has one kind
of chromosome, called the Y chromosome, the baby will be a boy.
If the sperm cell has the other kind, called the X chromosome, the
baby will be a girl. There are- about equal numbers of each kind,
so the chances are about 50-50 which sex the baby will be. Never-
theless, statistics through many years show that for every 103 boy
babies born, there are but 100 girl babies. This is a puzzling mystery.
Nothing is known that can be done to influence the sex of an
unborn baby, since sex is determined at the moment the sperm cell
unites with the egg cell.
Parents Influence the Child's Personality
Besides passing on to the child the family traits he inherits, parents
begin to shape the baby's personality in a different way after his
birth. Their love and care for the baby as he grows into childhood
and youth is most important in determining the kind of person he
will be.
Chapter 6
BOY-GIRL FRIENDSHIPS
Just now, you are probably more interested in questions about
your friendships with the other sex than in future parenthood.
When should boys and girls begin dating? What about going steady?
What are good ways of showing friendship or affection for someone
ol the Opposite sex? Is something wrong with you if you don't have
dates in the first half of the teens? How can you make more friends
of the other sex? How can you know what is right and wrong in
sex conduct. For example, what about petting? How old do you
have to be before you can really fall in love?
Definite rules and straight "yes" or "no" answers are not as useful
to you as knowledge of certain facts and principles that help you to
find your own answers, and to understand why some actions are
considered right, or wrong.
jEO
Sue and Louise
When Sue and Louise were in the seventh grade, they were always
together, walking to school, eating lunch, joining the same hobby
group. They were in the eighth grade when, one Friday, Jim wanted
to walk home with Louise. She asked Sue to come with them, but
Sue ran on ahead to hide her hurt feelings. At home, she sobbed to
her mother, "Louise doesn't want to be my best girl-friend any more!
She walked home with that old Jim!"
Sue's wise mother helped her to realize that to keep a friendship, she
must leave her friends free to have other friends, too, if they wished.
She also pointed out that it is natural for a girl in her teens to begin
to be interested in boys. In another year, Sue found this out herself.
Perhaps you know a group of friends that is changing because
some of its members are interested in the other sex, and some are not.
If you are in such a group, you might think twice before letting
friendships break up for no other reason. You may have a friend
who is shy, and just needs a little help in feeling at ease with the
other sex.
II. Amr. g Robi .1
Ben and Art
Two ninth-grade boys, Ben and Art, were sitting in Ben's kitchen
trying to decide what girls to ask to the movies on Saturday. Ben
suggested Lily, but Art didn't like her girl friend. Art suggested
Florence and Grace, but Ben thought they were too tall. Before the
boys knew it, the evening was gone, and so were a quart of milk
and two dozen cookies ! They never did ask the girls. You yourself
may know teen-age boys or girls who have fun talking about dates
and dating, without having many dates themselves.
Marie and her Friends
Marie and half a dozen girl friends were annoyed. The ninth-
grade dance had been called off because not even half of the boys
would sign up to ask a girl to go. "You can give a party here for
seven or eight couples," Marie's mother suggested. "Marie can send
invitations, and the boys will probably all come if they don't have
to ask a particular girl."
Marie's mother was right; all the boys came. Boys in their younger
teens often are glad to be asked to a party, or to go stag to a school
party, before they feel ready to ask for a date. Eighth and ninth
grade girls are usually more interested in parties, dancing and dating
than the boys in those grades. However, there are plenty of events,
such as hikes, picnics, or swimming parties, where a crowd of boys
and girls can have fun without insisting that the boys ask for dates.
Do you think there are enough such opportunities in your school or
community? If not, perhaps your class at school could talk with
your teacher about how to provide such opportunities.
A Famous Story
Occasionally a boy or girl in the younger teens thinks that he
has fallen in love with some older person, who becomes a romantic
ideal. Did you ever feel that way about an older person, a teacher
or a club leader, perhaps? In The Story of a Bad Boy* Thomas
Bailey Aldrich tells of falling in love, when he was fourteen, with
beautiful Miss Nelly Glentworth, who was nineteen.
"I was wretched away from her, and only less wretched in her
presence. The especial cause of my woe was this: I was simply a
little boy to Miss Glentworth . . . When I lay on the sofa, my head
From: The Story of A Bad Boy, by Thomas Bailey Aldrich, Grosset & Dunlap,
Inc., New York.
iching with love and mortinr.;ili<m, would she have stooped down
mi,I kissed me if I hadn't been a little boy? How I despised little
boyil"
Such an experience is nothing to be ashamed of. "I am not
going to deny my boyish regard for her nor laugh at it," wrote Mr.
Aldrich. "As long as it lasted, it was a very sincere and unselfish
l< ive ... I say as long as it lasted, for one's first love doesn't last
forever."
The Story of Anne Frank
On the other hand, a boy and a girl in the younger teens sometimes
do experience feelings of deep friendship and affection which may
ripen into adult love, and marriage. It is true, however, that such
youthful feelings often change, though young friends find it hard
to believe that they can.
Your personality develops quite rapidly in your earlier teens, and
your interests may shift rather often. This is a reason why your
feelings about individuals may change, too. It is quite usual for
young people in their teens to become fond of several persons before
they fall in love with the one whom they later marry. The boy or
girl in the earlier teens who thinks he is in love need not be sur-
prised if his own feelings do not last, or if the feelings of the other
person change quickly.
Anne Frank tells of such an experience in her diary which she
wrote in Holland during World War II, while hiding with her
parents to escape the Nazis. Another family, with a son, Peter,
shared the hiding place.
Anne was thirteen when she first met Peter, who was fifteen. She
wrote that he was "a rather soft, shy gawky youth; can't expect
much from his company."* But less than two years later, she con-
fided to her diary, "I'm not alone any more ; he loves me. I love him."
Yet, in a few weeks, Anne seemed to have doubts. "Peter is good
and he's a darling, but still there's no denying that there's a lot
about him that disappoints me." In another month, she wrote,
"Peter's beginning to lean on me a bit, and that mustn't happen
under any circumstances. A type like Peter finds it difficut to stand
on his own feet." Anne was then fifteen, and Peter seventeen.
Not long afterwards, the hiding place was raided, and both
*From: ANNE FRANK: The Diary of a Young Girl, by Anne Frank. Copy-
right 1952 by Otto Frank, reprinted by permission of Doubleday & Company,
Inc.
families were sent to concentration camps, where Anne died in less
than a year. No one knows what would have happened to Anne
and Peter and their love if they had lived. Friends found Anne's
diary after the police had gone, and as a result, you can read all
that she wrote in "Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl."
Your Capacity for Friendship Grows
You grow in friendship in one way by learning to be on friendly
terms with a widening circle of people. A friendly attitude, with a
smile and a cheerful hello, even for people whom you know only
slightly, is likely to open up happy new friendships with either sex.
On the other hand, exclusiveness and indifference usually stop the
widening of friendships.
Increased pleasure in giving, with clearer understanding of how
to give happiness to your friends, is another sign of growth in friend-
ship. Compare, for example, a small child's reluctance to give his
toy i<> a playmate with Larry's generosity to Helen. When he and
I Irlcii were tied for first place to represent their high school in a
1 1. i(r-wide spelling contest, he asked to have his name withdrawn
In Helen's favor. He explained to his parents that because Helen
WU a girl, she might have fewer chances of that sort than a boy.
"1 feel better because I did it," he said.
You may not agree that girls have fewer opportunities than boys,
but Larry surely had learned to give thoughtful consideration to a
friend's happiness.
Making More Friends of the Other Sex
Bill wakes up in the morning with that good feeling that some-
thing wonderful is going to happen — and remembers he is going to
the picnic with Marie. Helen hums a song while she straightens
her room — John has asked her to the class party.
A friendship with the other sex and one with the same sex are
Ilnrold M. T ..-mi I .. , i
alike in some respects. In both cases, a satisfactory friendship grows
out of your liking and respect for your friend's personality, and out
of the interests which you share. The chief difference is that in a
friendship with the other sex, there may also be a sexual attraction
between you. However, when a friendship is based only on the
physical attraction of sex, it is unlikely to be satisfying, for the
relationship is often a selfish one.
If you feel that you have too few friends of the other sex, you
might try checking yourself on the principles mentioned in the
preceding section — a growing, sincere interest in others, and a
growing understanding of how to give happiness to your friends.
These principles are as old as the golden rule.
You'll find new values, however, if you try applying them, even
to such a simple thing as your conversation. Do you really listen?
Do you hear not only what your friend says, but what he doesn't
say, because you are aware of expressions and attitudes that show
his inner feelings? Or do you merely wait for your turn to talk?
As you look through lists of "What Girls. Like in Boys," or "What
Boys Like in Girls," you will find in both lists such words as
friendly, courteous, considerate, sincere, is a good sport — words that
really describe friendly thoughtfulness of others. Many other traits
are listed, too, such as "sense of humor," "good manners," "good
grooming," or "interesting to talk to," but they Usually add up to
someone who is courteous, friendly and good fun!
You may have too few friends because you limit yourself un-
necessarily. If you're a boy, do you hang back because the most
popular girls are dated, up, and you won't ask the others? Or if
you're a girl, do you discourage a boy just because he's shorter than
you, or not a smooth talker? If you do not limit your adventures in
friendship in that way, you'll find out that there are many boys and
girls who make wonderful friends, even if they are not conspicuous
for good looks or popularity.
Or perhaps you are not using all your assets. Probably you have
some special talent— a willingness to be useful, a cheerful manner,
or skill in sports or a hobby— that will make you welcome in some
group of young people, at school, or church, or the Y. Possibly you
have not made enough friends merely because you do not take part
in activities where you have a chance to get acquainted.
When Should Dating Begin?
As you know, young people grow physically at different rates,
I
-.
IOme faster, some slower. Somewhat the same thing is true of growth
in boy-girl friendships. Some young people date early; others who
Are just as normal do not begin until college age. Some do not settle
down to any particular friend in the early teens; some "go steady"
with a succession of friends. A few, even during those early years,
I are for each other deeply, and later marry.
On entering the teens, many boys and girls are devoted to a friend
of the same sex, as Sue and Louise were. It is natural for one's
interest in friends to widen out, to make room for friendships with
the other sex, although girls will still enjoy their girlfriends, and
hoys still want to do things with boys.
Occasionally two friends of the same sex develop such an intense
friendship that for a long period they do not want to spend time
with any other young people. Fortunately, young people usually are
able to outgrow an intense, same-sex friendship of this nature. Now
and then, however, an exclusive interest in the same sex will prevent
a young person from being able to experience love with the opposite
sex, and from being able to make a happy marriage.
If such a relationship should begin to develop in your life, you
would be wise to make an effort to form some new friendships, and
to seek the help of some older person whom you trust. It is the
ideal thing to be able to talk with one of your parents. However, if
you feel you cannot talk with them, you might talk with your family
physician; or with your minister, priest, or rabbi; perhaps your
leader in Scouting, or in a youth organization; or with a teacher in
your school who knows how to advise young people about their
problems.
When teen-agers begin to be interested in the other sex, they
often go through some preliminary stages before they start regular
dating. Perhaps they just talk about dating, as Ben and Art did.
Or they may begin by going to school clubs, or other school affairs
where boys and girls do things together. Then there's the informal
get-together, where boys and girls gather at someone's house, or go
on a hike, or picnic, as a group. These might be called group dates.
Either boys or girls, or both together, organize these events. Group
dates are a very satisfactory form of dating, especially in the younger
teens.
After some experience in group dating, two or three boys may
feel that they know the girls well enough to ask for dates to a movie,
or a school party, which the parents approve. Often two couples go
together in a foursome and find this a satisfactory way of getting
used to dating.
Dating in twosomes is not likely to be as frequent or regular among
young teen-agers as group dating, or foursomes, although community
customs differ.
The age at which regular dating should begin really depends on
what you and your friends have been doing already, as well as what
your parents think about it. If a crowd has been dropping in at
someone's home every Saturday night, it is quite natural for some
of the boys to call for the girls, or take them home, and that might
lead next to other kinds of dating.
What About Going Steady?
"Going steady" has different meanings in different communities.
Sara Lee moved to a new city, and found that when she had walked
home twice with the same boy, she was supposed to be "going
steady." To her, the phrase meant being seriously interested in
someone. She soon found that in the new school, "steadies" were
supposed to go to school parties and walk home together, but that
it was all right to change around rather often. This was a relief,
because she did not want to be confined to one boy friend.
Some young people who are less at ease socially than Sara Lee
go steady because then they can count on having dates and attending
parties. This helps them to be comfortable socially. However, they
run the risk of hurt feelings if one wants to quit going steady before
the other friend does.
If going steady keeps your circle of friends very small, perhaps
you should put a question mark beside the custom, while you think
about it and discuss the matter with your parents. The happiest way
to correct such a situation is not to drop old friends, but to add new
ones, after you have talked the situation over with your steady, and
to reach a friendly understanding. If going steady helps you to
enlarge your circle of friends, it may be the right thing for you.
Some Problems
Teen-agers should be neither surprised nor ashamed if their at-
traction to someone of the other sex is accompanied by new physical
urges. These new feelings usually appear during adolescence, along
with the body changes which make a boy or girl sexually mature.
Some teen-agers may not know how to manage the new urges,
since sexual feelings may be quite strong before a young man or
woman is ready to marry. A few facts and suggestions may be helpful.
I
As was pointed out on page 23, boys and men may be sexually
unused by a good many different kinds of situations. Girls also
• perience sexual feelings, although as a rule fewer circumstances
nv sexually exciting to them.
Sex day-dreams, combined with the physical urges of sex, cause
most boys and girls, at some time during their teens, to handle their
external sex organs so as to cause an intense sensation, and in boys,
sometimes an ejaculation. This is called masturbation, or self-
excitement.
Young people often worry because they have heard that mastur-
bation causes insanity, feeblemindedness, pimples, or other physical
Harold M. Lambert
larold M. Lambert
ailments. Physicians believe today that masturbation does not cause
any of these things. They point out that most young people get over
the practice as they grow older. However, indulging in masturbation
is likely to cause guilty feelings that may be very disturbing.
The indirect way of trying to fill your life with good friendships,
good fun, and interesting, worthwhile activities is probably the best
way to avoid such feelings of guilt. It may help also, if, instead of
dodging your problems, you try to face up to them and meet them
without letting a lot of tension build up. If this matter is something
I hat disturbs you, the ideal thing is to have a confidential talk with
• of your parents. If you feel that you cannot discuss it with them,
then talk it over with some other trusted older person.
On pages 38-39, there are some suggestions which, if followed,
may support you in your intention and desire to live up to your
[deals of good sex conduct, and to avoid actions that make you feel
guilty and unhappy.
Other questions may come up when you are fond of someone of
the other sex. You may wonder, then, whether you should show
your affection in kissing or other caresses. It is natural for a boy and
girl who like each other to want to show their friendship, perhaps
by ah arm around the shoulder, or holding hands, or a kiss. One
guide which many young people accept is the idea that such gestures
should be given only as a sign of sincere friendliness or affection.
Another guide takes account of physiology, as well as the welfare
of both friends. If the light kiss, or cheek-to-cheek caress (called
"necking" by many young people) becomes intense or prolonged, it
is likely to lead to petting. Petting involves caresses of other parts
of the body in a way that is sexually exciting. Then physical and
emotional changes take place which in married couples would be
followed by sexual intercourse. At that stage of feeling, it is likely
to be difficult to stop short of mating, whether the couple is married
or not. This is one reason why many young teen-age couples post-
pone serious love-making until they are nearer the age of marriage,
and why petting just for the thrills is not a good basis for a friendship.
In one class studying about human reproduction, a student asked,
"In primitive times, how did a male know when to start mating?"
Among some primitive people, a male started mating as soon as his
body was sexually mature, and certain tribal ceremonies had taken
place, to show that he was considered a man.
Young people today do not usually marry until some years after
their bodies are sexually mature, and so the situation is more com-
plex. In the years before marriage, young teen-agers need to learn
to have friendships with the other sex which are a source of mutual
happiness and do not cause suffering and regrets.
A young couple who have sexual intercourse before marriage
expose their love, and perhaps the girl's life, to many dangers. The
risk that the girl may become pregnant should be a matter of as
great concern to the boy as it is to the girl. Although the young
people may think they know how to prevent pregnancy, the informa
tion that they may pick up is apt to be incorrect, since the girl is not
a married woman going to a doctor for professional advice. Then,
too, unmarried people who have sexual relations are likely to act
secretly and hurriedly, so that there is a great chance that the
methods they use will not work.
If the girl becomes pregnant, the young couple may be forced to
marry, whether or not they are really suited to each other. Such a
marriage may cut short the boy's education and his chance for his
chosen career, and it is likely to bring unhappiness to both the boy
and the girl.
If the girl has the baby without being married, she faces many
problems in making a home and caring for her child without a
husband and father, and such a situation brings great suffering and
heartache to the child, as well as to herself. In some cases, the girl
goes to someone who performs an illegal abortion (abor'shun), an
operation in which the unborn baby is taken from the uterus and
dies. Not only is the unborn baby killed, but the girl's own life is in
danger, because such secret operations are so often performed care-
lessly, under unsanitary conditions. If the girl lives, she may not be
able to have babies in the future as a result of the careless operation.
An unmarried girl who is pregnant should go at once to her own
physician, or some other reliable doctor of good reputation. He can
give her proper care during her pregnancy, and advise her and her
parents where she can get help in looking after the baby after its
birth.
The boy also brings worries on himself. For example, if he goes
with a crowd of young people who have a reputation for loose sex
conduct, he is likely to share that reputation, and may be considered
responsible when a girl has a baby, even if he was not the child's
father.
The possibility of getting a venereal disease is still another danger.
These are diseases that are contracted through sexual contact with
an infected person. You may have heard of two common ones,
syphilis (sif'ilis) and gonorrhea (gon' 6 re' a). They cause serious
illness in both men and women, and if the mother has either disease
while she is pregnant, the baby can suffer great harm. They can be
cured if a competent physician begins treatment early enough, but
all too often people who have these diseases do not go for such
treatment. This means that these diseases are still rather common.
In the face of all these dangers, it is no wonder if neither the boy
I
nor the girl feel sure of the love of the other when they have sex
relations before marriage. They feel guilty because each has done
lOmething that may harm the other, and in so doing, they have
violated the principles of their religion and the ethical standards of
Mx-iety. The strain may be so great that their love breaks down,
;il though if they had waited for marriage, it might have grown
strong and firm. Then they might have created a happy home
and family.
Managing Your Urges Through Better Living
Sex tensions are not likely to be a serious problem to you when
life is full and satisfying, and when most problems can be met pretty
well from day to day. Here are a few suggestions for improving
your friendships, your recreation, and your personality, and for
avoiding some pitfalls. You might like to check those which would
be particularly useful to you.
Do you need to improve your friendships by
(1) Learning to make more friends, if you do not have many, and
if you feel left out of things? (Look back at pages 38-39 for
suggestions. Read the pamphlet, Making and Keeping Friends,
by William C. Menningcr, M.D. The book-list on page 51 tells
you where to send for it.)
(2) Being more thoughtful about giving your friends of both sexes
a square deal, by being sincere, and by treating them as you
would like to be treated?
(3) Seeking more friends who like to do some of the same things
you do, and who have a personality which you like and respect?
(4) Breaking up a friendship where petting is the chief or only
attraction, or else putting the friendship on a different basis?
Do you need to improve your recreation by
(1) Giving your physical energies plenty of outlets by taking more-
part in active sports, such as hiking, climbing, swimming, tennis,
badminton, baseball, bowling, and so on?
(2) Planning your dates so that you have something interesting to
do and talk about, instead of petting? Boys in their younger
teens usually like girls who will take part in sports, and who are
good company on hikes and picnics.
(3) Developing more special interests and hobbies, such as photog-
raphy, stamp collecting, or record collecting? They make you
a more interesting person, and give you something to enjoy
during your spare time.
(4) Reading good fiction or other books that help you to clear up
your ideas of the kind of person you want to marry, the kind
of home you want to make and how families should work, play,
and live together? Your English teacher, or the librarian may
suggest books of this sort.
(5) Avoiding reading sensational sex publications?
Do you need to improve your personality by
(1) Learning to understand why you act the way you do? You
might like to read the pamphlet, Understanding Yourself, by
William G. Menninger, M.D., and the book, Better Ways of
Growing Up, by Crawford and Woodward. The book list on
page 51 tells you where to get them, if they are not in your
library.
(2) Learning to be skillful in something that is worth while doing,
and that makes you feel you are a worthwhile person? Many
creative hobbies and sports are helpful along this line.
Do you need to improve your ways of solving problems by
(1) Learning to talk about your school problems with teachers or
special school advisers who know how to help you?
(2) Learning to talk over your disagreements with your parents in
a calm and reasonable way? If your relationship with your
parents is such that you feel it is quite impossible to open a
discussion about your problems with cither one of them, then
try consulting some older person at school, or in your church.
Such a person might' help you to understand your parents' point
of view, or help them to understand yours.
(3) Getting together with a group of your friends, and their parents
and yours, to agree on a code which both parents and young
people accept.
In communities where young people and their parents have agreed
on a code, they have found it helpful in settling problems about such
things as hours of coming home after dates and parties, having
parents present in a home when there is a young people's party, the
number of dates a week, the use of the family car, and so on. Young
people then feel that they can do what the rest of the crowd does,
but the "crowd" and the parents have agreed on what should be
done. Perhaps you and your parents might form a group to prepare
a code for your neighborhood or community.
Forming and Living Up to Your Ideals
"Everybody talks about Heaven ain't goin' there," as the song
lays, and everybody who knows what's right, doesn't always do it,
as you have probably found out! Yet your sense of right and wrong
is immensely important in influencing your conduct, about sex as
well as other matters. Your sense of right and wrong is really your
Conscience, and when it makes you uncomfortable, it's time to stop
.ind figure out why.
As a young child, you absorbed most of your ideas and standards
from your parents, whether about manners, politics, or right and
wrong. When you started to school, you were likely also to accept
the ideas of friends and teachers whom you admired.
Now that you are in your teens, you are beginning to re-examine
your ideals, and to want to make your own decisions about right and
wrong. Perhaps you feel sometimes that your parents are out-of-
date when they have a different opinion from your crowd. You may
make a big fuss because you insist you are right, and your parents
are wrong. Are you sure, then, that you do not mistake your emo-
tional desire, for independence for an intelligent decision that you
should reach by a reasonable look at the facts?
After all, your parents have had much more experience in life
than you on which to judge what is wise or unwise, right or wrong.
In the back of your mind, you probably feel glad, after all, that
they can be firm in upholding standards.
Having said this, it's only fair to add that as you grow into young
adulthood, it is to be expected that you and your parents will differ
on a good many things. And to say that you need to be prepared,
then, to carry your own responsibility for knowing what is right
and wrong.
Since you are now at an age to think seriously about your ideals
and standards, you will want to become more familiar with the
thought of great moral leaders and the teachings of your religion.
One way of doing this is to join a group of young people at your
church, or temple, or at a youth organization, who are interested in
discussing religious and ethical questions. Many groups of that sort
have helpful discussions of sex conduct.
Your ability to hold to your own standards may be tested rather
often. You probably want to talk and dress like your crowd and do
what they do. You arc loyal to your crowd because you feel that
you are a part of the crowd, and your crowd is a part of you. This
feeling of loyalty to your group may make it hard to stand alone
^\1
ay
foil
u In ii ■ , is in the < POWa en* — fou think is wr
whether ii ti .1 mattci of drinking; or vandalism, or sex conducj
Of course the time when you say "no" is important. For cxan
il someone suggests going to a place known to !«' disreputable,
time for saying "no" is before you start. It is much easier t
than if you go half-way with the crowd, and then try to plucl
courage to refuse.
If you find that your sense of right and your loyalty to your ci
are often in conflict, perhaps you should find other friends. Or
other hand, you may be surprised how many of the crowd will
you when you find the courage to say "no." There may be n
others who feel as you do, but who need a leader to set an exan
You are old enough, too, to cultivate the strength of charact
make decisions that you know will be best in the long run, even
means temporary disappointment. Probably you have often I
this in small ways, as when you have given up a movie in ord<
study for a test. This ability to look forward to the future helps
also to guide your relations with friends of the other sex, so that
friendship or love will grow and will not be marred by hasty ac
that you will regret.
Not too many years from now you are likely to love som
whom you want to marry. Then you will want to make your
and marriage the most wonderful thing in your life and you
want to be the kind of person who can give the one you lc
lifetime of happiness.
If You Want to Read More About the Subject
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl, by Anne Frank, Doub
and Company, Garden City, New York, 1952.
Attaining Manhood, by George W. Corner, M.D., Harper
Brothers, New York, 1952.
Attaining Womanhood, by George W. Corner, M.D., Harpei
Brothers, New York, 1952.
Better Ways of Growing Up, by John E. Crawford and Luth
Woodward, The Muhlenberg Press, Philadelphia, 1948.
Dates and Dating, by Esther Emerson Sweeney, Publication Ser
National Board, YWCA, New York, 1948.
Facts of Life and Love for Teen-Agers, by Evelyn Millis D
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